of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
