And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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