Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize