Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
