all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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