This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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