funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize