Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid