My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck