So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something