So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.