the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party