I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
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I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out