There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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