Im at strip club and am horny
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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