his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize