my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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