You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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