i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
