No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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