wat bout pragnant strippers??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
