Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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