I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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