Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
