I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
