My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
