She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
