woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Randomize
