so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
