Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
