I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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