Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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