im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
