Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
