I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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