I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
