somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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