just come out here and I will go home with you...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
