apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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