Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
