Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
