I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
