She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
