i think my mom watched the whole time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
