I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
