she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
