I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
