No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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