An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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