I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
