just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
