Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
