I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
