i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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