Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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