i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Let's get the cat blown out
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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