Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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