They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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