Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
