she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we're so committed to being not committed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
