Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
