apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
