everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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