God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
