I would do horrible things to your vagina.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.