When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.