Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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