i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
