i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
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It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart