I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
